Someone asked me the other day why the person who has been cheated on stays in the relationship. There are many reasons someone will stay and here are ten reasons.
- Momentum – they have been in the relationship for a while, maybe a few kids and they don’t want to be a single parent or start a new relationship or go through property settlement.
- Want a two parent home – maintaining two houses is expensive and is disruptive for the kids, so the person stays as they perceive life will easier and better for the kids.
- Listening to what others are saying – when someone is cheated on there are two responses; leave or stay. Some people (even some counsellors) will urge them to forgive their wayward partner and stay and make the relationship work.
- Love – it can be very hard to ignore your love for your partner. The longer you have been together, the harder it can be to end the relationship.
- Every relationship has its ups and downs – the good things outweigh the pain of being cheated on. All the good things that have happened over the years, do not disappear because someone cheated.
- Guilt – if I was a better partner or if I was sexy looking or better in the bedroom, this would not have happened.
- Confusion – they are confused by the dichotomy between the straying of their wayward partner and their loving professions of affection. They are unable to sort through what is the truth and what is lying, due to the mixed signals they get. The cheater treats them so lovingly that when they are cheated on, they accept it.
- Not enough evidence – was this a once off fling or has been happening for along time with one person or several people. Does the relationship end on a one night stand or does it end once evidence of several people are a long period time turns up? The cheater can be very convincing there was only one person, and it only happened a few times.
- Low self-esteem – the person who has been cheated on has a low view of themselves and see being cheated on as another example of them getting what they deserve. Having low opinion of oneself makes it very hard to leave the relationship.
- People are capable of change – a lot of unfaithful men and women are truly capable of changing. In fact, I have seen a lot of relationships use an affair to make their relationship better than it ever was. (Not advocating an affair to make your relationship better).
Should someone end their relationship because they have been cheated on?
Well, that is a decision that only they can make. If the relationship is abusive (emotional, financial, or physical) then it would be a good idea to leave for their emotional wellbeing and safety. But, if the relationship has positive attributes aside from the affair, then maybe lean toward trying to make the relationship work.
It is not an easy decision to make and what comes next will still be an emotional roller-coaster.
