Rarely a relationship starts out being abusive but over time little things can creep in and one day you realise (often years later) that things are not great, and abuse is what is happening. Here are ten common things that I see in abusive relationships.

1 They Isolate You
Abusive partners will sometimes try to limit your time with your friends or family or even turn you against these people, so they have total control over you.

2 They’re Jealous
Abusive people are often possessive, so they’ll act jealous even when you’ve given them no reason to be. Their jealousy may be directed toward imagined romantic partners as well as friends they claim are hijacking your time.

3 They’re Concerned about your Relationships
Sometimes, in an effort to isolate you and to look like they’re the good guy, abusive partners will express concern about the way other people in your life are treating you and whether they’re a good influence on you. They may be especially likely to do this to people who have caught into the abuse. These controlling behaviours can be perceived as love or concern as they often accuse others of not caring about you as much as they do or not having your best interest. Be careful not to confuse control with concern.

4 You end up Apologising when you’ve done Nothing Wrong
Emotionally abusive people will twist your complaints about them into accusations against you. If it feels like you always end up apologizing in the process of seeking an apology, they could be manipulating you.

5 They Blame you for their Behaviour
Abusive people will convince you their abuse was justified by arguing that you did something to deserve it. Abusive partners are master manipulators and often craft seemingly logical reasons why you (or someone else) are to blame for their angry, cruel, or demeaning behaviour or will simply dismiss the facts of a situation altogether. A partner who does not fully take responsibility for their bad behaviour is not someone who will build a healthy relationship with you.”

6 They Snoop on your Devices
In an attempt to gain control over your life, abusive partners may read your texts, log on to your email or social media accounts, or even suggest sharing accounts with you.

7 They Tell you What to Do
Telling you where to go, what to eat, who to hang out with, or what to do with your life in any regard is an abusive behaviour.

8 They Criticise You
It’s one thing for your partner to tell you that something you did bugged them, but it’s another for them to attack your character, personality, or appearance.

9 They Threaten Violence
Don’t take phrases like “I want to kill you” as mere figures of speech. Even if they don’t lead to actual violence, the mere threat can leave you feeling unsafe. Threats of physical violence without ever actually hurting you is still abuse. Intimidation is often a cornerstone of emotional abusive relationships.

10 You’re Scared to Speak Around Them
Intimate partner violence victims are often afraid to open their mouths around their partners because they don’t know what will set them off. We all deserve relationships where we feel safe to speak our minds, confident that even if what we have to say upsets our partners, they won’t hurt us. Ask “Do they make you feel safe, or do you feel like you are walking on eggshells? Do you work hard to avoid upsetting them or fear their temper? Do you censor yourself or feel afraid to share your true opinion when they are around?”